I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
