Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
