how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
