well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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