6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
