I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
