you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I FOUND THE LEGS
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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