then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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