No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
