I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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