just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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