if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
