Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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