you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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