Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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