i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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