I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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