Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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