I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
