So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
