Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
