Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
