you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
