Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
