I just saw a hot homeless man
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Holy sore nipples Batman
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
