Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
