Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
