i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
