that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
