My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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