I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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