No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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