Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
