Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
