OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
