I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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