it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
