so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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