so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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