I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
