you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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