dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
