Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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