you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
