Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My penis needs a shock collar
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
