So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
