I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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