I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
