Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
