i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
