Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
