i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
