She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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