So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
