Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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