I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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