If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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