Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize