we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
