Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
