I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Couch. On fire.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize