Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize