dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
