It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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