my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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