and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
