My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
