barbara walters just said penis...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
ttyl tear gas
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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