I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
