i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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