Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
