I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
