I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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