so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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